Drawn Out
Blog #3 is about choices.
Hmmm. How about…?
For my third blog entry, I'm writing about making decisions.
Ugh. Ok, let’s try…
For today's blog, I’m going to discuss the topic of choosing choices and deciding on decisions.
Welcome to my creative process. Too often I’m so concerned with editing my words, that I forget what I was saying in the first place. The same could be said of my illustrations.
About 8 years ago, I began the process of writing and illustrating my book CRUSHED.
Since then, for various reasons, I'd have to put it aside. I was still working as a professional dancer. I had also been hired by different authors to illustrate their books. So in between performances, rehearsals, and illustration commissions, I'd sit down and think about how I wanted my story to look. This included the design of each character and their environment. It was an exciting time for me. I had actually begun to illustrate my own children’s book!
Then, just when I was all set with my choices, I would change my mind. It was literally back to the drawing board.
Take the character of Butch. I first had to decide on the look of his face. I initially used more angular edges, then soon after, I went with softer lines. As for his outfit, I started with muted colors likes browns and soft blues. Ultimately, I settled on making his fashion choice bold in color, and more dressed up than the average 2nd grade boy. His hair has always been a deep brown, but it had gone through enough style changes to make Johnny Weir jealous. Being colorblind, I even toyed with the idea of drawing the entire book in pencil, keeping it in black and white.
I then found myself on the fourth design of a character, only to look back on the first one thinking "OOOooH! That's actually cute."
So there I was, staring at several versions of the same character. no closer to finishing than I was weeks prior. I was all drawn out.
I realized if I was ever going to finish what I started, I had to make a choice and stick with it.
Fear of commitment. It comes in many forms.
What am I going to have for dinner?
Should I hang this picture here?
Which Snap Chat filter looks best? This, this, or this?
In my first year of college, unable to secure any of the required classes needed for my arts major, I became very frustrated. Then one day, I heard that a little known theme park in Anaheim, CA was holding auditions for their upcoming summer production. Should I go and try to jump start a professional dance career that I only fantasized about even though I had virtually no formal training? Or should I stay in school and take the route that was laid out for me since those days of turning nurses into Amazon warriors?
The choice was made. I went to the audition! I did a couple of step ball changes, threw in a pivot turn here, and a hitch kick there, all while flashing my cheesiest smile. Well, it wasn’t that easy, but I walked into that studio a frustrated wannabe art student and left as a cast member of their new parade.
Although the choice to attend that audition turned out to be one I did not regret, at the time I had my doubts. Doubts still creep up in many of my choices today. Perhaps it’s the fear of missing out on other options. Or maybe I put too much emphasis on what might happen if that choice is wrong. It could just be the fear of being judged. When faced with designing a character, I find all of that to be true.
Although I strive to evolve in my style and technique of illustration, I need to remind myself that often, my first instincts are valid. Like many artists, I am my harshest critic. But what I find most helpful is closing my critical eyes, so that I may open them from a child’s perspective. Today, when I look at the finished pages of CRUSHED, I imagine kids smiling at the fun parts, laughing at the silly parts, and remaining hopeful that the sad parts eventually become happy.
When telling my stories, I will always choose to take readers on a journey that will ultimately make them smile.
And THAT’s a commitment I’m not afraid to make.
